StereotypesMake Me a Sammich

So, I’m going to be a stay-at-home dad for a couple years,” Christian finished telling his boss, turning in his two-weeks’ notice. Since his wife had taken time off with their first child, they had decided that he would do the honors this time around.

“You WHAT?!” Mr. Johnson laughed. “I guess we know who wears the pants in your family. I didn’t realize I’d hired such a ball-less chick!”

Realizing how he would be perceived simply for prioritizing his family, Christian updated his LinkedIn profile and his resume to show that he spent the next two years running a consulting firm – though he never accepted a client.

The assumption that she’s office staff, although she’s clearly wearing a technician’s uniform. You’re too pretty to be a grease monkey! The claim that she’s overreacting – and the subsequent context that her feelings aren’t valid. Why don’t you go make me a sammich? The words change, but the subtle – and sometimes not-so-subtle – meaning is always the same: This isn’t her place; she doesn’t belong!

Stereotype: (noun) “a mistaken idea or belief many people have about a thing or group that is based upon how they look on the outside, which may be untrue or only partly true. Stereotyping people is usually considered a type of prejudice because how a person would appear on the outside is a small part of who a person is on the inside. Like other untrue opinions, stereotypes might be used as reasons to discriminate against another person…”

Women are constantly judged, perpetually placed in a nice tidy box in people’s minds.

• She’s pretty, must be stupid.
• Nerdy, bet she’s a prude.
• Automotive professional, ha! Must be a lesbian.

But so are men, especially automotive professionals.

• Uneducated and barely literate.
• Dishonest, will overcharge me to make an extra buck – like he’s not already making plenty!
• Dirty – damn grease monkeys!

That is a crying shame because the automotive industry is filled with some of the smartest, kindest, most giving people around. And as far as educated? We all know the old “grease monkey” days are a thing of the past – today’s cars are high-tech computers, only much more dangerous, and your skills are what ensures the safety of so many families.

Okay, okay, they’re just words. Sticks and stones and all that jazz, right? No! Why? Words hurt – and it doesn’t make you less of a man or woman to admit that. When stereotypes are applied to us (or someone who looks like us or who has our same hobbies), it doesn’t feel good. We question our value and skills and debate whether the stereotype is true – whether we realize it or not. Sometimes, our reactions are internalized, our feelings are subconscious, but they can still leaving a lasting impact.

From a psychological standpoint, being stereotyped has a negative impact on folks’ self-worth and their confidence in their ability to perform a task, and this can lead to stereotype threat. Stereotype threat is “a situational predicament in which people are or feel themselves to be at risk of conforming to stereotypes about their social group… These effects are also increased when they expect discrimination due to their identification with a negatively stereotyped group. Repeated experiences of stereotype threat can lead to a vicious circle of diminished confidence, poor performance and loss of interest in the relevant area of achievement (source).”

“Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well.”

• Robin Sharma

Why assume you know anything about someone, simply based on their appearance, their occupation or their interests? Knowing who we are as individuals presents many challenges, for all of us – and that makes perfect sense because who we are changes constantly based on our environment and our experiences. But when the environment where we spend at least 40 hours each week is filled with negativity and vitriol, the way we change reflects that – we become embittered, insecure, angry… oh so angry. It can impact a person’s career, family and their very sense of self-worth.

We’re going to hear from some ladies about how stereotyping in the automotive industry has impacted them and their careers, so take a seat and imagine hearing these types of comments directed at you –

Would those “jokes” be funny?

“When I told an older gentleman that I wanted to work in a speed shop someday, he told me no one would hire a woman, but I’d ‘make a great parts girl.’ I’ve always been a bit timid so yeah… I believed him and gave up.”

• California, 36 years old

Chasidy & Jayme’s Reaction

✍︎Chasidy’s reaction: She quit? She fucking QUIT?! That makes me so mad – because I can relate. There are so many things I didn’t try growing up. Why? Well… “girls don’t do that,” “you might get hurt,” “behave like a lady,” and a whole host of utter bullshit. It took over a decade of adulthood before I finally realized that I am the ONLY one who gets to decide what I do, who I am and who I become.. Ironically, when I look back,, the most pressure to “act like a girl” came from the women in my life. I realized it in college, during my first Women’s Studies course, when everyone was sharing the same key phrases – but most of them were quoting their fathers. I raised my hand proudly and shared, “My dad is the one person who never made me feel like I should be anything or anyone other than exactly who I am – and he never even implied that being female should limit me in anyway!” Thank you, Daddy ❤️

2025: As a mother, one of my main goals is to teach my daughter that she determines her identity and her fate. SHE gets to decide what she wants to be and how she wants to live her life. And I realize that is going to be a challenge as she gets older because, of course, I have certain hopes and dreams for her. But the biggest hopes I have is that she will be comfortable in her own skin, that she’ll know she can achieve anything she sets her mind to and that I will always – ALWAYS – support her. And if that means, I need to knock a grown man the fuck out because he tries to contradict those beliefs, I’ll just have to make sure my best friend knows I’ll pay her back for bail money! I hate the idea that so many men can only respect women by reminding them of their relationship to men, but every woman you interact with is someone’s mother, daughter, wife, friend… And unless you’re a total loser, you probably have some important women in your life. How would you feel if someone talked to THEM like this? If the mere thought makes you wonder if you’re going to need bail money too, maybe you should pay a little more attention to your hurtful words before saying something derogatory and offensive.

Well, there went another potential Automotive Rockstar! Another fun fact about stereotypes: They can lead to poor performance and a loss of interest. Just think about that for a second:

• All those little girls who weren’t allowed to play with tools – what could they have built?
• That boy who loved dolls – how many lives could he have impacted if he’d been encouraged to become a pediatrician?

A story: Twelve-year-old Chasity really wanted to race micro-sprints, and her dad was all about it. Her mom disagreed: “That’s not the type of thing my daughter is going to do; it’s too dangerous for a little girl.” That girl never raced, lost interest. The end.

Why? This type of mentality benefits no one. It pigeonholes all people into some role that was randomly assigned to us based on what exactly – our genitals? Speaking of…what size shoe do you gentlemen wear? Uh-huh.

“The first painter I ever worked for told me, ‘You don’t look like someone who would do this job – you don’t look like a dyke.’ He kept fumbling to get his foot out of his mouth, but he was basically saying I couldn’t do this job unless I at least LOOKED like a man.”

• Paint Prepper, Mississippi, 25 years old

Chasidy & Jayme’s Reaction

✍︎Chasidy’s reaction: What the hell does a female automotive professional look like? “What does a man in automotive look like? What bearing does what someone looks like have on their ability to perform a job, any job? My appearance – any person’s appearance – does not dictate who they are! Don’t assume you know who I am just because you see a pair of tits! Next – dyke?! 1. Did you mean lesbian? Why was it necessary to use the most derogatory term possible? 2. Since when does someone’s sexual preferences have any impact on the career they choose or their ability to perform the functions of that career. 3. What does a lesbian look like? Other than a woman? I know “butch” lesbians – I also know “butch” breeders. Same goes for women of the femme fatale variety. But again, I ask – what the fuck does that have to do with anything in the workplace?! With all the bullshit going on in our world, isn’t it past time to stop wasting energy on judging people by the way they look??

2025: Okay, but seriously. What DOES an automotive professional look like? My friend trained as a technician and worked in shops before moving into the education space for a while. Listening to her talk about this industry – her passion for working on cars absolutely shines through any conversation. And she’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever laid eyes on in real life. Like, she could seriously be a model. I’m glad she’s also tough as nails; else, someone might have discouraged her from pursuing a field she loves because she has long hair and wears makeup. That’s absolutely ridiculous. We all deserve to feel confident and comfortable with ourselves, no matter what that looks like to anyone else!

We already know the language used was unacceptable, as was the implication that a masculine appearance is necessary to skillfully perform the tasks demanded by any job. So, let’s look at this from another perspective: that painter.

First impressions matter, and by introducing yourself in this way, it’s unlikely to yield favorable results, meaning that you probably won’t have a great relationship with this person. Does that matter? Maybe, maybe not. But you won’t know if you don’t give them a chance by giving yourself a chance to get to know them.

@The Mean Girl Myth: I’m not the most confident woman, but when I was younger, I was particularly insecure. That insecurity caused me to feel that I was constantly being judged, and it made me particularly uncomfortable around women because I incessantly compared myself to them. If a friend introduced me to a beautiful, smart woman, I automatically shut down and refused to befriend them – in my head, they had already found me unworthy to associate with them, so I preemptively acted accordingly. Through my actions, I essentially became the “Mean Girl” that I internally assumed they were. As a result, they were repelled by my attitude and actions, and I never got a chance to find out whether we had anything in common. I shut down God-only-knows-how-many opportunities to make some potentially great connections because I was so afraid of what they thought of me. I still struggle with this at times, but when I catch myself being unpleasant to someone I don’t really know, I try to take a step back, walk away for a few minutes and evaluate whether I’m reacting to them or my own internal bias.

The unfortunate truth is that everyone succumbs to stereotyping someone else at some point, and although a thought isn’t a word, isn’t an action, it can become hurtful words or unkind actions if left unchecked. Stereotyping doesn’t just affect what you think about people; it also directly correlates with how you treat them and what type of person YOU are. And if you aren’t careful, stereotyping can become a gateway that leads to outright discrimination. The only way to prevent that is by confronting your thoughts. And if you aren’t sure whether you are reacting to the stereotype or the person, there are a lot of resources you can access to learn more.

“During tech school, my instructor constantly made comments like, ‘A woman is only good for one thing,’ and when a guy in class was degrading me, the instructor told me, ‘Don’t worry – that wouldn’t bother you if you were in the place you belong… doing my laundry, cleaning the house, and making me food.’ Like a lot of other women [in this industry], I’m not easily offended, but I’d never felt more belittled in my life – and over the thing I love most in this world, no less!”

• Automotive Technician, Illinois, 23 years old

Chasidy & Jayme’s Reaction

✍︎Chasidy’s reaction: What. The. Actual. Fuck. Why does some random ass person get to decide where SHE belongs?! Yeah, ok – Dick! Good luck with that. Make your own sammich. Honestly, it’s probably safer that way – for multiple reasons (ever heard of arsenic?). Also, also, also… a woman is only good for ONE thing?! One? (Ignoring his later claim regarding the three things she should be good at…) Do you know a single person, seriously, who is only good for ONE thing? I know some that aren’t good for a damn thing, but that could be a series of its own.

2055: On another note, this type of blatant discrimination and harassment is ILLEGAL. Ladies, don’t put up with it! Record it, and report it. And while this contributor hit the nail on the head with the comment about most women in the automotive industry not being easily offended, that’s because men like this already chased the rest of the women away from this field. The women who stick with it have been forced to develop a thick skin – but WHY should she have to do that? How is it fair to expect every woman to just brush off this type of disrespectful rhetoric while justifying bigots’ rights to express themselves in such a manner? Freedom to expression does not equal freedom from the consequences of being an asswipe!

We’re going to come back to the whole “gender role” issue being imposed here, so hang tight. For now, let’s focus on the fact that this happened in school. We all know that the automotive and skilled labor trades industries have evolved into highly technical fields, falling under the category of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering & Math).

Historically, women have been excluded from and discounted in STEM fields, despite having made significant contributions. In 2017, women held only 29% of STEM occupational positions, and as of 2018, women in STEM fields were paid only 80.7% of their male counterparts’ earnings (source). Women have just as much right to work in STEM fields as men do.

“I had one driver straight up refuse to let me work on his trailer because I ‘should be at home cooking dinner.’ When trying to get authorized for a repair and telling the company that I was the tech-on-location THREE times, the guy still asked when someone could be there to make the repairs! Some drivers just stare at me, but I actually caught one standing next to his truck, jacking off! Any time I’ve had an issue that couldn’t be ignored, my boss has always had my back.”

• Big Rig Mechanic, Illinois, 38 years old

Chasidy & Jayme’s Reaction

✍︎Chasidy’s reaction: HAHAHAHAHA. OK guys, gals, clowns & politicians. Let me be the first to admit – my place is NOT at home cooking dinner. Not at all. I’ve burned boiled eggs. Literally, burnt them. I may like to consider myself a goddess of sorts (a literary goddess, perhaps), but I’m sure as shit not a domestic one! Which is why I hate this assumption – why am I less of a woman because I don’t have culinary skills? HelloFresh! And to the guy randomly yanking on his manhood in public, no one wants to see that! Not her, not the guy in the truck next to you or the kid riding his bike down the street. Have some dignity and class. Shit!

2025: Stop questioning women’s abilities simply because they’re women – full stop. I forgot how angry this issue makes me when I’m forced to confront it head-on. I’m really glad that this woman’s boss has her back, but as we’ve seen in other contributors’ stories, that’s not always the case. It really should be. Not long after writing this series, I had a job interview for a writing position which I really wanted, but in the interest of full disclosure, I mentioned The Dirty Little Secrets and asked if it would be a problem. The Vice President’s response amounted to, “If anyone has a problem with this series, I’d want to know WHY – maybe they’re part of the problem.” I also need to revisit that guy playing with his penis. Dude, that’s absolutely disgusting, creepy and – again – illegal! Even if you managed to avoid exposing your teeny weeny friend, public lewdness still falls under indecent exposure laws in most states and can be punishable by fines, imprisonment and even the requirement to register as a sex offender. Is an orgasm really worth all that? Of course, like most crimes of a sexual nature, this guy probably took more pleasure from the feeling of power and control over this woman – but let’s save that topic for Part 5.

It’s 2021. Women make up half of the workforce, yet that half of the population is typically expected to launder the clothes, fix the meals and take care of the household – after working all day. Women are constantly placed in the role of caregiver (actually the example in a basic “stereotype” search on Google). And we admit: A lot of women step into that role. Women tend to become caregivers for the benefit of the family, the community.

But many men are also nurturing and loving. It’s funny how that never gets mentioned, isn’t it? They coach softball, they volunteer at foodbanks, and they love their families. Men feel a wide range of emotions, just like women. Unfortunately, stereotypes cut both ways, so because women are seen as being overly emotional, a man expressing his emotions is seen as “womanly.” Except anger, of course, since society has somehow managed to label it as “not an emotion.” (Sidenote folks: I’m pretty sure assuming “womanly” is an insult is a mistake – how could you NOT want to be compared to these badass women and so many others?!)

Another of those stereotypes: “Boys will be boys.” Typically thrown out as an excuse for when boys (or men) are being violent, callous, engaging in “locker room talk” (*cough – misogyny – cough*)… Isn’t it a little demeaning to be told that you have no control over your actions, that you are biologically programmed to misbehave, solely because you’re packing a penis? Especially when scientists say that the differences between the male and female brain are nominal at best (source).

“When I reached for food during an employee lunch, the guys told me, ‘We don’t want dick-grabbers in everyone’s food!’ I walked away to avoid the situation, but they called me back in and yelled at me for not putting the food away – I didn’t even eat anything, and when I started to get upset, they yelled at me: ‘Wanna go fucking cry about it? How ‘bout you go cry about it?’ Yeah, that’s when I lost it and yelled back which didn’t end well. I waited the rest of the day for an apology. Turns out they flipped the story when they told the owner. Apparently, I was ‘in a bad mood today… she just freaked out on everyone for no reason.’ Well, the owner had audio surveillance, and my story was the one that checked out. The guys involved did seriously apologize, and we’re good now. But it still happened.”

• Auto Body Technician, Arizona, 25 years old

Chasidy & Jayme’s Reaction

✍︎Chasidy’s reaction: Dick-grabbers – really, like we’re 12?! I have so many questions. Why would you choose to insult your own penis? How can she be a dick grabber: Aren’t all female auto pros lesbians – or is that only when it suits your narrative? Do you control our sexuality now, too, day by day?! Why was she supposed to put the food away? Why isn’t she allowed to be upset? Why do you assume she’s going to cry? Why can’t she be angry for your actions instead of blaming it on her “bad mood?” Yeah, she was in Moodsville – you drove her! On the plus side, kudos to the resolution. It seems like the folks in this situation actually learned something productive and healthy. ❤️

2025: This is so frustrating. These guys’ actions prevented this woman from participating in a team lunch, presumably a reward for their work or something the employer did to boost morale. What kind of culture is being promoted when she’s effectively prohibited from being part of the team? On top of that, why would she be expected to put the food away, whether she actually got to eat or not? The fact that they “flipped the script” shows that they knew they were in the wrong…so why behave in that way in the first place? I hope they’ve truly learned their lesson and treat everyone on their team a little better these days.

Female automotive professionals are spoken to like this way more often than many suspect (not that it’s EVER acceptable to treat people like this). Of survey participants (source), 83.82% reported hearing demeaning comments at least occasionally from male colleagues and 66.21% from female colleagues; 70% of them noted that clients and colleagues do not make eye contact with them, though they do with male professionals.

Again, women are judged for being emotional, but if someone is insulted, why wouldn’t they have a negative reaction to that? A lot of times, women are accused of overreacting, but is she really overreacting – or is she reacting to an overwhelming amount of bullshit? She probably doesn’t react to every single slight. Instead, she lets it build. And build. And build.

Until it overflows. (Yes, we know there are times when people do overreact, especially during tense situations. We’ll provide some tips for avoiding it in What Can You Do?) And as uncomfortable as men can be when a woman cries, they’re even less comfortable when she’s angry. But men can be angry; they just can’t cry. Neither of those assumptions are true. Men and women are people, and people are allowed to have a wide array of emotions, especially when others’ actions instigate it.

“The head painter at my second job always had it out for me. I guess he thought I would like him when I started working there, so when I didn’t, he took his anger out on me, constantly yelling at me and calling me a complaining bitch. Once, he tried to get me fired for not painting a part he’d requested – except he hadn’t given me the paint that he had to specially tint himself. It went on until he decided he wanted to sleep with me and started flirting. I had to shut that down several times before he finally started acting right, but he eventually quit, and now I get along with everyone!”

• Painter, Mississippi, 25 years old

Chasidy & Jayme’s Reaction

✍︎Chasidy’s reaction: Why are women constantly attacked for – IDK – speaking, breathing, existing? The internet is rife with information about how female leaders can communicate to ensure they aren’t perceived as pushy – gems like saying, “I’m just thinking out loud here” instead of “I have an idea.” Or don’t tell an employee, “This has to be done Monday” – try “What do you think about getting this done Monday?” Um… I think it had better be done Monday if that’s when it needs to be done, so I don’t really care what you think about my assertiveness. Why should a “boss” be anything other than “bossy?” Oh! Can someone please tell me why successful women are always called “ball-busters?” No Boss-ass Babe is concerned about busting your balls – or doing anything else with them there, buddy. She’s busy. Making money, making decisions, and making moves. Get. On. Her. Level. (Speaking to myself here too!)

2025: No one can do a job they aren’t equipped for, so if you don’t supply them with what they need, it’s pretty shitty to blame them in this instance. Then, this guy tried to sleep with her…even if he was actually “God’s gift to women,” no self-respecting woman would want anything to do with him after his behavior! This isn’t kindergarten; pulling a girl’s pigtails isn’t a good way to get her attention.

Words have power (@said the writer) – they can build you up or break you down. And the words used to describe people’s actions tend to vary, depending on that individual’s gender. While the definitions are typically similar when you compare the words, the implied meaning is different.

A man who takes control is assertive, has leadership qualities. When a woman takes control, she’s bossy, pushy, aggressive, bitchy. Men “share their views” when they disagree with you; women complain, nag or bitch.

Women in the automotive industry share these experiences: 68.11% have been called “too aggressive,” 50.12% were “too quiet,” 62.24% are “too bossy,” and 61.03% have been told they were “too emotional” at least once (source).

The behavior is the same, so why are the words different? These word choices chastise women for expressing their opinions; they demand female silence. Yet, women are even judged for being “too quiet,” which serves to prove that we are going to be judged negatively no matter what, so we might as well our authentic selves.

OK, what is the second Dirty Little Secret?

People judge other people. There’s no way around it. But we should judge people on how they treat other people, on their actions – the person who shouldn’t be an automotive technician is the person who is incompetent at the job, not the person who happens to have a vagina. Preview for next week: Those two people are not necessarily the same, contrary to popular opinion!

Seriously, stereotyping does such a depressing disservice to the individuality within each person, and it completely disregards the complexity of humanity – people are multi-faceted, they aren’t made to fit in a box – and if they do, they get to choose the box where they belong. Each person has many interests, but that interest isn’t dictated by what’s found below their belt, who they take to bed or the color of their skin.

Stereotyping is also dangerous. Your belief about a person influences what you think about them, how you feel about them, and ultimately, how you treat them. If left unchecked, stereotyping transforms into a stepping stone, creating a path to discrimination and bigotry.

What can you do?

There are lots of ways to learn more about the harmful impacts of stereotyping in the workplace and in your personal lives, but it really all starts with communication.

In stressful situations, take a deep breath. Listen. Walk away if you need to. Accept your feelings, but control your tongue. Obviously easier said than done, so it’d be better if men and women prevented some of those tense situations in the first place – and it can be done!

Men: When you hear something, say something; unacceptable comments are just that – unacceptable – whether they’re made to a woman or a man. Silence can speak volumes, and when you don’t discourage the behavior, it gives the impression that you condone it. Call them out; it’s safer for you to tell another man to “knock off the misogyny” than for women to stand up for themselves. Even if you’re an awesome dude who would never treat women as less than, make sure your team knows it’s unacceptable, and then hold them to that standard. Talk to your friends, peers, associations, industry leaders – misogynists like they ones we encounter throughout this series ARE out there, scaring potential talent away because “It’s a man’s world, baby!”

Women: See above… and support one another! Don’t participate in the stereotypical comments and backbiting – tearing another woman down does not build you up. Women tell each other to have a sense of humor, to toughen up, to blow it off. Aren’t you sick of it yet?! Ignoring it is enabling it. It’s time to call it out – whether the offender is male or female. Every time you accept those shitty actions, you’re telling them that it’s okay, that boys will be boys, that mean girls always treat each other this way… Stop accepting bad behavior because stereotyping tells you that’s what to expect from people!

Resources

• When stereotyping progresses to harassment or discrimination, file a claim with the EEOC.
• A Psychological Effect of Stereotypes – A short essay, written by Carrie Conaway, about the impact of stereotyping people.
• Women in Stem – A group supporting female students’ interest in STEM fields to raise awareness of women’s potential.
• Private Facebook Groups– Female Mechanics Society, Auto Body Gals, Women of Color Automotive Network Group, Female Mechanics Alliance
• Sapient Insights Group – A research and advisory firm focused on equipping clients with data and insights to drive enterprise-wide people and financial outcomes in their HR performance, change management, diversity, equity and inclusion, and transformation programs.